If it makes you feel better, it was equally just my trauma wanting — fuck, whatever it wanted. It wasn't about you. I didn't mean to — look. Okay. Ugh, fuck, fine. I know you look up to me. In my head, if I just let you watch me fall apart over a fucking building, then I have no fucking credibility, alright? I don't hate that you do. I mean, I think it's a horrible idea, but I guess — I'm doing better than Emma on the kid role model part. Both of you are alive. Just — I'm sorry, okay? I know I sucked.
(When she starts to jumble words and concepts, that means it's much more real and anxiety-inducing than anything else. Talking is not really in her skillset, she's telepathic, and the only people she needed to talk to about her feelings are equally telepathic, not that they ever mattered much anyway.
Case in point, she's been upset.)
I — nope. I mean, it'd be weird. It's missing... Everything, and I don't want to be a part of it anymore. I'll probably come whenever I'm annoyed at the others, though. Sounds like a good plan.
[Presumptuous much? Except Sophie is right. It's not hard to get Maelle to attach, but she's quite attached to Sophie at this point. It's obvious. She knows that.]
If it helps, I've seen Gustave in worse states.
[Dying, dying, dead. Maelle takes a deep breath and hopes Sophie is well out of her head, because she should be the only one with the burden of those images of Gustave in her mind's eye.
But Sophie won't be here in this strange cold place, and she's sorry, so Maelle takes another breath and lets it out slowly.]
You did suck. Just don't do it again. Telling me to fuck off damages your credibility more than letting me see you actually have emotions, yeah?
[Not that Sophie used those words, but that's what it felt like to Maelle.]
(Dead and incapable of getting their shit together are very different connotations, but she's gonna leave that one out. Maelle is as stubborn as Sophie is, and she didn't even get it from her, but game recognizes game. They'll be here discussing this forever, and no one is going to win.
So, instead, she's going to stand to come close to Maelle, wrapping her arm around her shoulders. At least, since last time Maelle had to deal with Sophie and her stupid feelings, she's learned that maybe it's okay to receive affection. Maybe it's fine to give some too. It's uncomfortable sometimes, but it's what she wants to do, so screw discomfort.)
I — okay. That part... I'm really working on it, okay? I'm a work in progress, but I promise I'm working on it. This one just destabilized me a lot, and it's — I don't think I can explain it all to you even if I tried, I did a shit job earlier, too. I'm really sorry, okay? Really, really sorry.
[Sophie on the move has Maelle finally looking at her properly, though she soon comes so close she drops her gaze and trying to be normal. A hug shouldn't prick at the back of her eyes. She leans into it, lips pursing together as Sophie speaks.]
It's okay.
[Her feelings might be sore, but she doesn't wish to actively hurt Sophie's. There's no good in that.]
Just don't do it again? I won't make you pinky swear on it, though.
And for the record, you don't ever need to explain... anything. I know some things aren't my business.
It's not about it being your business or not, okay? It's not that.
(Oh, kid. Sophie never thought she was nearly as attached to kids as she is until she met Maelle and Scott. Maybe she does take after Emma like that; she doesn't know. Still. Most important thing is getting this kid to feel safe, so that's what she's attempting to do, bringing her closer.)
I'm difficult, that's all it is. I was actually under the impression that dealing with me was just a little hard, but oof. Nope.
[Maelle can both understand the need to be alone ans have her feelings hurt at the same time. It's awful. The tighter the arm on her shoulders, the more she wants to cry. She worries her bottom lip as she tries to keep that at bay. Not in front of Sophie, thanks.]
... it's not. Not really. Lumière would have been a nicer place if there were more Sophies.
(There's something that Maelle is forgetting here. There is no 'not in front of Sophie'. She can see it clear as day, Maelle's brain is drowning in melancholy, and it's right next to her own. Reminder, she never asked to be able to do this, to breach the wall between what is inner and outer, but alas. What she can do is give Maelle a little mental bump — tell her it's okay if she does want to. Sophie is not gonna run away from it, won't think less. Just reassurance, if she needs it.)
Good you'd have two different types of Sophies, hm?
(Sophie is definitely not easy to get along, Maelle probably can tell that by all the biting, hissing, and pushing back. Adoring her is a new thing; she has decided it's not her problem or choice if people want to give her affection, and that giving it back is maybe not the end of the world — she does think everyone's crazy, but that's not on her to figure out.
Look. She's learning. See, she's even caressing Maelle's scalp with her overly done nails, a little stratching massage, and not squirming. She wants to do it.)
[The head scratch is cheating??? Maelle can't move away from it, even if she wanted.]
Mmhmm. I didn't really know her as that, though. Just... the love of Gustave's life. The most likable man in Lumiere and the most likable woman made the most likable couple. Go figure.
... I mean, ignoring the fact I literally can't be back? I wouldn't — I don't want to be with them anymore. It doesn't — it isn't good for me. Being away isn't ideal either, I'm rearranging — fuck, like, a bunch of stuff up in my brain, you know? My feeling processing isn't the same as anyone else's; my data capacity, even the way I'm used to navigating the world is not completely relatable even to telepaths, all that crap. Girl, even my powers are not fully stable.
... And I miss them. But it isn't — it fucks me up and what's worse, I'm compliant with bullshit. So, I just — I guess I abandoned them, which sucks, because — I'm like the oldest? Not literally, just in... Role? So that doesn't feel great either. See why this whole thing messes with my shit?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Not to Maelle, at least. She shrugs a shoulder, then, trying to brush it off as if she hasn't had her feelings hurt by anyone's absence.]
But whatever, it's fine. Just the sad orphan trauma wanting attention. Are you going to move here?
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(When she starts to jumble words and concepts, that means it's much more real and anxiety-inducing than anything else. Talking is not really in her skillset, she's telepathic, and the only people she needed to talk to about her feelings are equally telepathic, not that they ever mattered much anyway.
Case in point, she's been upset.)
I — nope. I mean, it'd be weird. It's missing... Everything, and I don't want to be a part of it anymore. I'll probably come whenever I'm annoyed at the others, though. Sounds like a good plan.
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If it helps, I've seen Gustave in worse states.
[Dying, dying, dead. Maelle takes a deep breath and hopes Sophie is well out of her head, because she should be the only one with the burden of those images of Gustave in her mind's eye.
But Sophie won't be here in this strange cold place, and she's sorry, so Maelle takes another breath and lets it out slowly.]
You did suck. Just don't do it again. Telling me to fuck off damages your credibility more than letting me see you actually have emotions, yeah?
[Not that Sophie used those words, but that's what it felt like to Maelle.]
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So, instead, she's going to stand to come close to Maelle, wrapping her arm around her shoulders. At least, since last time Maelle had to deal with Sophie and her stupid feelings, she's learned that maybe it's okay to receive affection. Maybe it's fine to give some too. It's uncomfortable sometimes, but it's what she wants to do, so screw discomfort.)
I — okay. That part... I'm really working on it, okay? I'm a work in progress, but I promise I'm working on it. This one just destabilized me a lot, and it's — I don't think I can explain it all to you even if I tried, I did a shit job earlier, too. I'm really sorry, okay? Really, really sorry.
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It's okay.
[Her feelings might be sore, but she doesn't wish to actively hurt Sophie's. There's no good in that.]
Just don't do it again? I won't make you pinky swear on it, though.
And for the record, you don't ever need to explain... anything. I know some things aren't my business.
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(Oh, kid. Sophie never thought she was nearly as attached to kids as she is until she met Maelle and Scott. Maybe she does take after Emma like that; she doesn't know. Still. Most important thing is getting this kid to feel safe, so that's what she's attempting to do, bringing her closer.)
I'm difficult, that's all it is. I was actually under the impression that dealing with me was just a little hard, but oof. Nope.
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... it's not. Not really. Lumière would have been a nicer place if there were more Sophies.
[All Sophies.]
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Is Gustave's Sophie also hard to deal with?
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Nope. She was easy to get along with and everyone adored her.
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(Sophie is definitely not easy to get along, Maelle probably can tell that by all the biting, hissing, and pushing back. Adoring her is a new thing; she has decided it's not her problem or choice if people want to give her affection, and that giving it back is maybe not the end of the world — she does think everyone's crazy, but that's not on her to figure out.
Look. She's learning. See, she's even caressing Maelle's scalp with her overly done nails, a little stratching massage, and not squirming. She wants to do it.)
Sciel's best friend, right?
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Mmhmm. I didn't really know her as that, though. Just... the love of Gustave's life. The most likable man in Lumiere and the most likable woman made the most likable couple. Go figure.
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Wow, fucking unexpected. I think my blood pressure plummeted from the shock.
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[It's not a jab, it's the truth! Or both.]
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[Maelle's drama, unintentional as it tends to be, is exhausting.]
Guess it makes sense you'd want to be away for a while.
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... And I miss them. But it isn't — it fucks me up and what's worse, I'm compliant with bullshit. So, I just — I guess I abandoned them, which sucks, because — I'm like the oldest? Not literally, just in... Role? So that doesn't feel great either. See why this whole thing messes with my shit?